My bratty smartphone demands

Bratty demand #1
Shoulder surfing is prevalent enough in my own boring life that the shady behavior warrants deliberate methods of data concealment. I have yet to find an automated solution for hiding data during the simple action of waking up a smartphone (various manual swipe methods exist to deal with closing apps and some settings will hide things like alerts coming in – this is not what I am looking for).

No matter what, on wake up, my smartphone picks up right where I left off by displaying whatever the last thing was that I was working on. This is so convenient. However, this is a feature I can do without in certain settings. I want an automated feature I can turn off/on that forces the home screen to appear on wake up regardless of what I was working on before sleep mode engaged.

Bratty demand #2
Have you ever given a phone to someone so they could look at a photo and then the person swipes through all photos on your phone? Many complex solutions exist to deal with behavior like this (https://www.businessinsider.com/keep-people-from-swiping-to-other-photos-with-this-iphone-trick-2014-10). However, I am interested in something a little more convenient and intuitive.

I want to bring a photo up on my smartphone and select a little padlock in the bottom corner of the photo. The photo remains on the screen so I can hand the phone to another person to view (the user is allowed to zoom). If the user attempts to swipe they are met with a password prompt. Bam!

I need all of this by Friday, if possible.

Thank you.

Coffee horrors: automated store spiraling, part II

Years ago, I categorized a nearby automated store as unusual art on display (part I of this article explains why). An odd structure to be pondered from a distance and expect nothing functional in return. I was ok with this arrangement for some time. Then, one day, I set out for work and forgot…COFFEE!

Walking to my office in a caffeine-free fit of stomping irrationality, I reach the ever-present automated store. Its shelves are as bare as all days before with lighting harsh enough to see through bone. A crow screeches in the distance.

From the street, I stop and stare at the automated store and its fancy automated coffee machine. The coffee machine glistens proudly amongst the barren wasteland of displays. Topped by a glass bin of coffee beans, the unit screams clean and functioning caffeine joy.

I debate for several minutes by making excuses for this wreck of a business and ignoring all rational thought. Nothing justifies my next move other than sheer hope for a coffee miracle.

I place a coffee cup on the tray and press a button. A horrible grinding sound begins. I convince myself this is the sound of coffee beans being prepped for the best-tasting coffee in the world (beans picked fresh from a beautiful orchard in another land by a handsome and shirtless man).

Suddenly a giant black hose on the side of the unit does a little dance. Pressure in this area quickly morphs into a crescendo of hissing madness.  I take a few steps back just in time to miss huge globs of moldy horror spitting from the machine into the cup and surrounding sticky surfaces.

How does one handle a situation like this? Under the best of circumstances, I see no other way than the way I handled it. I screamed, cussed a little, and ran the rest of the way to work.

I am left with so many questions.

Automated store spiraling

As an introvert, I was initially quite pleased with the concept of an automated store (both as a customer and as a potential investor). The idea of purchasing products in-person, or selling products, without human interaction sounded like a delightful prospect.

Unfortunately, experiencing this type of store first-hand as a customer over the last four years has been disappointing.

With no need for customer interaction, employee focus is ordering supplies, stocking shelves, cleaning the environment, maintaining/monitoring technology and customer surveillance. Regarding the store I frequent, this list of tasks does not appear to be achievable.

I am baffled. The shelves of this store remain bare on a consistent basis. It is now a running joke with friends as to how long the same solitary package of pickles will remain (as of the writing of this article, it is two months). On the rare occasion (approximately every three months) that products exist in the store, the touchscreen available to purchase the items rarely works.

My first thought is that the store is a front for criminal activity. I can think of no other rational explanation. No one in their right mind would burn through rent money for retail space and not invest effort in the business. 

Maybe the empty store is run by a maniac who regards all of humanity with such disdain that the goal is to impose a minor daily irritant of no products upon the masses. Slowly chipping away at the well-being of all potential customers.

I guess the owner could be lazy, but that seems unlikely. Why go through all the paperwork and fees to start a business if the goal is to do nothing?

We have so many ups and downs during our short existence on this planet; it could very well be that the person running this location is going through a rough patch. I hope this is not the case.

In all fairness, this bare-shelf issue is probably my own fault. I am terrible at reading signage. I am sure I have just misinterpreted what this retail space is all about. Since I see refrigerated shelves containing one item, coffee machines that spit out anything but coffee, freezers and a broken touchscreen, I assume they exist to provide me with food. When, in reality, this retail space is a portal into another dimension.

Home security: turning homeowners into morons

Schnikes. If one more person complains to me about the legal activity they have picked up and reviewed on their home security systems, I am going to scream. I have learned one very important thing from the many useless conversations I have participated in regarding the analysis of conversations unknowingly recorded from passersby: home security systems are turning homeowners into morons. Gossiping morons.

Home security systems are designed to record activities to be used as evidence should something nefarious take place. Any legal activity recorded is to be ignored and destroyed. Unfortunately what I am witnessing is far from that with homeowners. People are complaining to me (and sharing with me) the private information they recorded when people were on or near their property, private information that is not illegal. I only make the situation worse by pointing out that what people say to others or to themselves is none of their business if it is legal. If they are not responsible enough and respectful enough of others to abide by this rule then they are not mature enough to handle potentially sensitive data.

I am sure home security systems do a great deal of good. Unfortunately I am confident they are also doing a great deal of bad to communities.

Mouse Magnificent

The computer mouse experience need not be cold and uncomfortable. Dive into the soft billowy bin of computer mouse wrist pillows and stay for a bit. You will be glad you did:)

Lotto Losers

As a computer programmer, I have zero patience when it comes to poor web site/web application customer service. If you build it (and have methods for users to contact you on a web site) then you had better support it.  Anything less is lazy.

I recently visited a state lottery web site. I could tell from the information on the public side of the web site that they allowed the purchasing of lottery tickets to local users (within the state).  However, I could not tell if they allowed the purchasing of lottery tickets by a local user (within the state) as a gift to another local user (within the state).  I proceeded to go through the tedious process of setting up a login account in the hopes of finding out the answer to my question. What I learned is this:

1. The site asked for unnecessary personal information on set up of the online account.
2. The site did not allow purchasing lottery tickets as gifts (why isn’t this made clear outside of actually setting up an account and going half way through the purchasing cycle?)
3. After I realized the site did not offer the option I wanted, I wandered around the site for 20 minutes trying to find an option to delete my account since I realized by this point that I have no use for it. I found no option to delete or deactivate the account. So I then contacted their customer service using the contact us email on the site and requested the account be deactivated or deleted. Two weeks later I still have not heard from anyone regarding this request.
4. I just sent another request again asking that the account be deactivated or deleted.
5. If the staff is unable to handle incoming electronic requests, then this needs to be stated on the web site and all electronic means of communication need to be removed from this web site.

Pathetic.

Microsoft Office 365 profile photos in the workplace: welcome to creepy factor 4,000.

Office 365 is a delightfully useful bundle of tools. If you are familiar with it then you are also familiar with one seriously disturbing feature of Office 365. The profile photo. When a user uploads a profile photo to his or her profile, this image shows up in all kinds of places including at the top of ANY email the person sends to other employees.

For some reason I have found this feature to be extremely distracting and disturbing. The issue surfaces when I receive an email from an employee I do not know. Regardless of the content of the email (positive, negative or neutral content), if it is from someone I am not familiar with, and I see their face staring back at me, I instantly have a negative perception of the sender. I think they are either conceited (when they are posing for the photo) or unprofessional (when they are using a fictitious character or famous person for their photo).

I am surprised such a simple feature of showing a face on an email has generated such a harsh reaction from me. Here are a few possible theories as to why this feature bothers me:

• It could have something to do with how I categorize email in my brain. Email is a colorless, ageless and gender-less platform of communication. I like it that way, it forces more of a focus on a task and eliminates the unnecessary weirdness I get from some people when I have to see them in person (elevator eyes, comments regarding my appearance, yada yada yada).
• I am very familiar with how I am treated in public online platforms (like when playing Chess) once users discover I am female so I avoid revealing such information. I have become accustomed to concealing my identity via online communication for so long that I now see any attempt to knowingly reveal such information as a terrible decision that will cause problems.
• Maybe I am just freaked out by a stranger staring at me via the weird little circular photo as I try to read the email. You know, like how that cute little guard dog was trying to do his job at the children’s museum but was freaked by all the teddy bears staring at him: http://www.nbcnews.com/id/14154738/ns/world_news-weird_news/t/elvis-teddy-bear-leaves-building-hard-way/#.Xi8FNWhKhaQ.

We humans are so weird, I cannot imagine what aliens from other galaxies must think of us.

Buses, trams, trains and subways – not what they seem

I have always enjoyed the luxury of private transportation.  Tooling around in my own car has satisfied many moments of wanderlust.

I never invested much thought into public transportation. It was always a nice thought in the back of my mind. I thought of public transportation as my safety net should I ever become incapable of operating my own vehicle due to financial or physical circumstance.

As my travel experience expanded into regions (like New York City and Amsterdam) where public transportation was required for my day-to-day exploration, I realized very quickly that public transportation is not designed for patrons with physical limitations.

When people push for public transportation a benefit often listed is the convenience and freedom it offers to those physically unable to get to destinations on their own. Unfortunately, with what I have witnessed in New York City and Amsterdam, this benefit is unfounded (by my standards anyway).

The public transportation I participated in in New York City and Amsterdam were very well run processes. I used a combination of buses, trains, trams and subways. Not only were these vessels immaculate but they were easy to identify from the street, the destinations were easy to understand and each trip was reasonably priced.

My first impression while participating in this transportation was that of efficiency and money well spent. Unfortunately after a few minutes of observing others, I realized that public transportation is is no way designed for members of the public with physical limitations. What I witnessed was something built ONLY for humans who never require assistance at any time for any reason. Time and again I witnessed:

• elderly people stumble into seats as the public transportation jerked into action without warning
• young people not feeling well that had to stand due to lack of available seating
• people of all ages with crutches or a cast on an arm trying to frantically reach a seat or poll to hold onto before the tram lurched forward
• turnstiles to access transportation platforms were narrow
• bus and tram stops at street level were often in horrifying and narrow areas where one misstep would land an unfortunate soul in the path of speeding cars or dare-devil cyclists
• thinly veiled impatience on the face and demeanor of every participant with fully-functional bodies
• horrified mothers gasp as doors tried to close on strollers while irritated observers grab the stroller and assist getting it into the train
• seats too close together for easy maneuvering of wheelchairs, luggage, strollers, people of different heights and widths
• hoards of lunatics rushing onto and off of the public transportation
• seats designated for the visually impaired remained empty, a clear indication to me that this group found attempts far to horrifying to ever attempt again

If I had my way I would change the priorities of public transportation in the minds of participants and designers. I would like to see the top priority go to those who truly need public transportation due to physical limitations so they may get from point A to point B safely.  Unfortunately this change in priority would require the majority of the population to step back, take a deep breath and exercise compassion and patience.  I am not sure our planet is ready for something like this yet so in the meantime I will try my best to keep compassion and patience at the top of my own list.  I know one day I will need it from others;)

Tech message of DOOM

Most devices and apps are built with good intentions, I think this because I am a computer programmer with a more often than not sunny disposition. I am also a realist. I have been around long enough to know what it means to not know your neighbors.

I have a tech message of doom for the world today: it is fun to bury ourselves in technology. Tech is a lovely escape from accountability, confrontation and reality – it also does amazing things for efficiency, heath, transport – the list goes on and on. However, hiding behind technology will only make us rock stars of our own empty electronic world and nothing more. Human interaction can be complex and often times dangerous but until we invest in the lives of others then all tomorrows are a blue screen of death – tomorrows that no one person can save us from, we all need to do our part for this world.

Invest in the world if you can, you will be glad you did – our world needs you:)

Update your smart TV. Fear not, it will never be as smart as you;)

Is your computer connected to a smart TV? If so, the following information will give you a good idea of how to update your smart TV.

What is a smart TV? A smart TV can access WiFi and run applications just like a smartphone (unlike a regular TV or computer monitor).

A smart TV, just like a computer or a smartphone, requires periodic maintenance in the form of “updates” from the manufacturer for security and performance enhancements. This is an example of how to update smart TVs:

• Using the remote control that came with the smart TV, select a settings button. Most settings buttons look like a small gear to activate the settings menu.
• Navigate through these settings menus to find the network options (all smart TVs are different so navigating through the menus to become familiar with them is the best approach if you do not have documentation handy). In the network options there will be features allowing you to connect to a network (it doesn’t matter if your computer that is connected to the smart TV is connected to a network or not, the smart TV is a separate entity and will not use the network connection of your computer – the smart TV needs its own network connection to receive updates). The screen will tell you if you are connected to a network or not. If you are not, then attempt to connect to WiFi, if this does not work then plug a network cable into the back of the smart TV and plug the other end of the network cable into a network port in the wall of your home if you have one or a network port on your wireless router.
• Using the remote that came with the smart TV, select the settings button again if you do not already see options on the screen for updating the smart TV. Most settings buttons look like a small gear. Click on the setting to download updates to the smart TV. Wait for the download to complete (a message will appear on the screen telling you the updates are complete, depending on the frequency of the updates in the past, the updates can take a few minutes or up to an hour to complete).
• Once the updates are download, turn the smart TV off, wait a few seconds and turn the smart TV back on for the updates to take effect.
• Disconnect the smart TV from the wireless network (by using the smart TV remote > settings) or the hard-wired network (removing the network cable from the back of the smart TV and from the network port in the wall of your home or from the network port on the back of your wireless router).
• Many smart TVs will also read updates from a thumb drive that is connected to the back of the smart TV, this is an often problematic approach for updating some smart TVs due to the number of steps involved (users have to visit the manufacturer web site, download the updates to the thumb drive while the thumb drive is connected to the computer then remove the thumb drive from the computer and place the thumb drive into the back of the smart TV and the smart TV may or may not be able to read the files on the thumb drive or may or may not be able to even recognize the thumb drive).