Have you seen the Tile commercial? The gadget demonstrated seems innocent enough: a family tracks down a cute lost teddy bear in a big city for their adorable child via a tiny gadget clipped to the teddy bear. As I watch this sweet moment unfold I can’t help but envision a serial killer sipping coffee at a quiet little coffee shop somewhere in my town, dark thoughts churning through his strained brain. His name is something calm like Robert. He casually walks around the coffee shop, unnoticed in his khaki pants and brown wool pullover, and drops these gadgets in the BAPs (Big *** Purses) of women he wants to track and later dismember in his basement of evil that is obviously wallpapered in disturbing patterns of over-zealous vines climbing the walls. I will write a book about Robert some day.
I realize I have a very active imagination so in all honesty I seriously doubt the coffee horror house of deception is ever going to happen, even if the community of Tile trackers grows exponentially, but just in case it does I will give you this advice: To all the glorious gals out there like me that carry BAPs, actually clean the purses out once a week so you know exactly what is in there at all times. If you happen to find a Tile in there that doesn’t belong to you then be sure to leave it in a public place for the serial killer to later find – maybe create a chalk outline on the ground with white tape and place the Tile in the center of it.
If you have a BAP but have lost the desire to lug it around with you, please reconsider. Pick that bag up and go! It is like walking around with your very own tour bus. Here are a few items I highly recommend adding to your BAP – so dust it off, fill it up and get out there and live:
- huge bottle of hairspray
- box of strawberry Pop-Tarts (frosted)
- paperback murder mystery
- cozy socks
- journal and pen
- jar of peanut butter and baggie full of bird seed (you won’t eat this, this is for when you are in the park – twirl pine cones in the jar then dip the cones in the baggie full of bird seed and leave pine cones on the ground to attract big foot – he gets hungry to you know, stop being so selfish.. what evs)
framed 8×10 of Betty White
Creepy aside, the Tile is an outstanding product. I’ve seen it in action at my sister’s house, they use it to locate sets of keys. I am especially interested in using the Tile in the arena of stolen vehicle recovery (cars, boats, snowmobiles), especially for older models that do not contain any traceable wireless signals by default. The Tile can easily be permanently concealed within the frame of a vehicle and then utilized for tracking should the vehicle ever be stolen. Just don’t be tempted to track the use of the vehicle if it has not been stolen….you know you want to! Cut it out! Behave! You are such a maniac…