On this day, May 21, 2015, at 3:53pm, I declare all vending machines in the universe the all mighty victor in the cat and mouse game of “Will the Chips Fall”. It is a game I have played occasionally since the 1990’s.
Ever full of hope, I eagerly step up to the plate each time and deposit my coins (with no extra change in my pockets). I press a complex combination like “A3” and watch as my selection slowly grinds its way through a labyrinth of complicated coils originally designed to ward off all kinds of evil in some other universe.
My stomach grumbles in anticipation. The coils stop abruptly as if to mock me; dangling from the last curve in the serpent is my purchase. I study my reflection in the glass. I am disgusted with myself for falling for this trick again. I point at myself and curse, swearing I will never fall for this trick again. I walk away a few ounces lighter due to the lack of food and high caloric burn rate brought on by the rage.
Today is different. Today I walk away for good with a score of Jenny 6 and vending machines 8,902,304 as my beautiful York Peppermint Patty dangles helplessly from the tentacles of doom.